TSCC: Facebook Chats
by River12
Summary: Terminator The Sarah Connor Chronicles characters are on Facebook. Featuring the characters: Sarah Connor, John Connor, Cameron Phillips, Derek Reese and many more... WARNING: These are VERY Random... So if you're looking for an actual story I'm sorry...but you can scroll on down to the next TSCC fanfic you see. xD But if you're looking for RANDOMNISS and WEIRD things then read it.
1. Chat 1: Jameron

**TERMINATOR THE SARAH CONNOR CHRONICLES FACEBOOK CHATS!**

Sarah Connor has a new status: I just saw my son making out with a terminator

Sarah Connor: It made me barf

John Connor: EW mom! I didn't do that Cameron was…

Cameron Phillips: Kissing you

John Connor: …

Sarah Connor: WHAT? JOHN CONNOR YOU ARE IN TROUBLE!

John Connor: … I'd rather have Skynet kill me

Cameron Phillips: That is a bad idea. If Skynet killed you it would be the end of the-

John Connor: World… I know but I don't want my mom to kill me

Cameron Phillips: she won't kill you

Sarah Connor: I might if you stop making out with a robot! A ROBOT! HOW COULD YOU BE SO-

Derek Reese has logged on

Derek Reese: What the hell is going on?

Sarah Connor: John had sex with Cameron

John Connor: NO!

Cameron Phillips: I didn't have sex I just kissed him

John Connor: CAMERON SHUT UP!

Derek Reese: O.o WTF? You're the future leader of mankind and you're making out with a ROBOT!

John Connor: that's what my mom said…

Cameron Phillips: I killed a pigeon.

John Connor: …

Derek Reese: …

Sarah Connor: …


	2. Chat 2: Riley

**TERMINATOR THE SARAH CONNOR CHRONICLES FACEBOOK CHATS**

John Connor has a new status: I had a great date with Riley. Hope we can see each other again! :D 3

Sarah Connor: So… what happened to you and Tin miss?

Riley Dawson: Hi mom

Sarah Connor: Mom?

Cameron Phillips: Oh… I can't kill people with this computer.

Derek Reese: Why did you have to make out with this robot John? She's trying to figure out how to kill people… with… a computer

Cameron Phillips: Yes

Riley Dawson: Excuse me but… WHAT? JOHN?

John Connor: HOLY ASDFGHJKL!

Sarah Connor: WTF? IS ASDFGHJKL?

Cameron Phillips: _is feeling annoyed _

Derek Reese: What's wrong Metal? Feeling jealous

Riley Dawson: So John… this is weird… your family is weird

Sarah Connor: EXCUSE ME BLONDE? WE ARE TRYING TO SAVE THE WORLD!

Riley Dawson: By being on Facebook?

Cameron Phillips: Facebook is a social networking site. It is a good way to communicate with people and share your feelings.

Riley Dawson: What?

Derek Reese: … I don't see what this has to do with Skynet

Sarah Connor: OH THAT'S ALL YOU CARE ABOUT SYNET AND THE END OF THE WORLD AND JOHN AND-

Riley Dawson: O.O

John Connor: Actually Cameron… Facebook is just like… a site where you can interact with people and enjoy…life

Cameron Phillips: oh…thank you for explaining

Sarah Connor: … WHO WANTS PANCAKES! JOHN YOU GET OFF OF THE COMPUTER OR SO HELP ME I WILL BREAK YOUR COMPUTER!

Derek Reese: I think she's raping the caps lock button…

Sarah Connor: I READ THAT!

John Connor: I'M COMING!

Sarah Connor has logged off

John Connor: She's a creep

John Connor Has logged off

Riley Dawson: Well… I gtg

Riley Dawson has logged off

Derek Reese: so… it's just the metal and me

Cameron Phillips: …

Derek Reese: so are you gonna try and kill me?

Cameron Phillips: …

Derek Reese: …

Cameron Phillips: I think we should kill Riley. Then she'll just be a body… bones and meat… Was that a bad thing to say?

Derek Reese: … ;) so you ARE jealous?

Cameron Phillips: N-n-no!

Derek Reese: AHAHAHA I'M GONNA TELL EVERYONE!

Derek Reese has logged off

Cameron Phillips: that's it I'm going on a bird-killing spree…. I should go on Google maps and find Riley's house… :D

Cameron Phillips has logged off


	3. Chat 3: Pancakes

**TERMINATOR THE SARAH CONNOR CHRONICLES FACEBOOK CHATS**

John Connor has a new status: My mom makes bad pancakes…

Derek Reese: I think they were okay. But then… I had to throw up in a bowl

John Connor: I thought it was the pancake batter in the bowl…

John Connor: _is feeling disgusted_

Derek Reese: HAHAHAHAHA YOU ATE MY BARF!

John Connor: Well my mom made you barf

Sarah Connor has logged on

John Connor: Oh shit

Sarah Connor: _is feeling angry_

Sarah Connor: JOHN CONNOR AND DEREK REESE! WHAT? YOU THREW UP IN MY BOWL BECAUSE OF MY PANCAKES? WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU TWO!

Cameron Phillips has logged on

Cameron Phillips: I didn't have any…

Sarah Connor: Good for you Cam…

Cameron Phillips: Can we get a pet pigeon?

Sarah Connor: For you to kill?

Cameron Phillips: I want to stuff it in Riley's mouth

John Connor: WTF?

Derek Reese: Are we still talking about pancakes?

Agent James Ellison has logged on

Agent James Ellison: Can I have a pancake?

Derek Reese: Ellison!

Sarah Connor: Do you want to throw up?

Agent James Ellison: Excuse me?

Cameron Phillips: So I can't have a pet pigeon?

John Connor: WTF are we talking about?

Sarah Connor: Son… My dear stupid son… don't swear in front of an FBI agent

Agent James Ellison: I used to be one

Derek Reese: then why does it say _Agent _James Ellison?

Agent James Ellison: …

Sarah Connor: Pancake? Anyone?

John Connor: I WASN'T SWEARING!

Sarah Connor: Look who's raping the caps lock

Agent James Ellison: O.o

Cameron Phillips: Hi James

Agent James Ellison: Hello

Cameron Phillips: ;)

John Connor: OH FOR GOD'S SAKE CAM! GET OFF OF THE COMPUTER!

Derek Reese: Jealous much?

Sarah Connor: Oh god… now I'm going to barf

Cameron Phillips has logged off

John Connor: CAM!?

John Connor has logged off

Derek Reese: Nice seeing you Ellison…

Derek Reese has logged off

Sarah Connor: so you found me!

Agent James Ellison: What?

Sarah Connor has logged off

Agent James Ellison: … White people…

Agent James Ellison has logged off


	4. Chat 4: Cromartie

**TERMINATOR THE SARAH CONNOR CHRONICLES FACEBOOK CHATS**

Cameron Phillips has a new status: That awkward moment when you see someone you know on the street and they look at you…

Cameron Phillips: Cromartie's here

John Connor: EXCUSE ME SISTER!

Cameron Phillips: I am not your sister

John Connor: CROMARTIE?!

Derek Reese has logged on

Derek Reese: So my lovely munchkins what in the devil is going on?! CROMARTIE WTF?! NO! HOLY SHIT! Where's Sarah?

Sarah Connor has logged on

John Connor: She's not gonna be happy about this

Sarah Connor: About what?

Cameron Phillips: read the comments

John Connor: Oh no…

Sarah Connor: CAMERON I'M GOING TO BURN YOU! WHAT?!

John Connor: Don't burn her!

Derek Reese: she's a witch… MWAHAHAHA

John Connor: Yeah well she's my witch… so cut it out

Cameron Phillips: I'm a witch?

Sarah Connor: _is feeling annoyed_

Sarah Connor: No you're a robot not a witch, and John you're a stupid child… no wonder it's the end of the world… and Derek… you're… Derek…

Derek Reese: I am

Derek Reese: _is feeling proud_

Cameron Phillips: Would be alright if I just stuff the pigeon in Cromartie's mouth instead of Riley's?

John Connor: Riley?

Cameron Phillips: Dear John… IF YOU ARE IN LOVE WITH RILEY I WILL LET SKYNET KILL YOU! I LOVE YOU! From Cameron

John Connor: WTF?

Sarah Connor: … wh-wh-what?

Derek Reese: HAHAHAHAHA

Cameron Phillips: That got your attention :D

Cameron Phillips: _is feeling evil_

John Connor: Hope she doesn't go all Carrie at the prom on us

Derek Reese: CARRIE! BRINGS BACK SO MANY MEMORIES!

Derek Reese: _is feeling happy_

Sarah Connor: guys… we're here to talk about Cromartie…not… Carrie

John Connor: Right right right…

Cameron Phillips: I CAME IN LIKE A WRECKING BALL!

Derek Reese: oh my god… I just pictured her naked

John Connor: OoO

Sarah Connor: That's it… We're doomed…


	5. Chat 5: Twerking

**TERMINATOR THE SARAH CONNOR CHRONICLES FACEBOOK CHATS**

Cameron Phillips has a new status: What is twerking?

John Connor has logged on.

John Connor: (Facepalm)

Derek Reese has logged one

Derek Reese: First… I CAME IN LIKE A WRECKING BALL! Now… you wanna know what twerking is?

Sarah Connor has logged on

Sarah Connor: _is feeling disgusted _

John Connor: I agree with you mom…

Derek Reese: Now we're gonna have a Miley Cyrus robot.

John Connor: A Miley Cyrus apocalypse… but robots

Cameron Phillips: … Even worse than Skynet.

Sarah Connor: This…Is…So…Random

Derek Reese: and weird

Riley Dawson has logged on

John Connor: (Epic facepalm)

Riley Dawson: HI EVERYONE!

Derek Reese: Another caps lock rapist

Cameron Phillips: …

Riley Dawson: WOW CAM! Good for you! I can teach you!

Sarah Connor: NO! Please… Don't….

Cameron Phillips: SARAH! I DON'T NEED A PIGEON TO STUFF IT INTO RILEY'S MOUTH ANYMORE!

Riley Dawson: Wait… What? Okay forget I said anything…

Cameron Phillips: Oh

Riley Dawson has logged off

Agent James Ellison has logged on

John Connor: Did you see Cameron's status?

Sarah Connor: It's worse than Skynet.

Agent James Ellison: Oh…my…god.

Derek Reese: Hey Metal Bitch… you're a disgrace to the Skynet and robot nature.

Cameron Phillips: _is feeling sad_

Derek Reese: how?

Sarah Connor: Don't make me gag you DEREK!

Derek Reese: But she's a robot and she said that she's feeling sad and I'm asking how?

Sarah Connor: she's been doing that every conversation…

Derek Reese: BUT!

Sarah Connor: That's it I'm going to gag you

Sarah Connor has logged off

Derek Reese: Oh god

Derek Reese has logged off

John Connor: O.o er…

Agent James Ellison: Hello Cameron… Phillips ;)

Cameron Phillips: ;) (wink wink)

John Connor: Jesus Christ…. WTF CAM?

Cameron Phillips: I'm learning what it's like to love…

John Connor: Wait what about twerking?

Cameron Phillips: That too…

John Connor: Okay you need to stop!

Cameron Phillips: AND I CAN'T STOP AND I WON'T STOP!

John Connor: THAT'S IT! I'M COMING OVER TO YOUR ROOM RIGHT NOW!

Cameron Phillips: No you're not… you're still online and I don't hear you moving…

John Connor: Oh my god…

Agent James Ellison has logged off

John Connor: _is feeling annoyed_

Cameron Phillips has logged off

John Connor: great… ALL BY MYSELF! Why do I hear footsteps?

John Connor: OH ASDFGHJKLKJHGFDSASHHGFD!

John Connor has logged off


	6. Chat 6: ZOMBIES!

**TERMINATOR THE SARAH CONNOR CHRONICLES FACEBOOK CHATS**

_Topic: ZOMBIES_

_Requested by DixonVixen93_

_This one may not be as funny but hopefully you'll have fun reading this. This chat will also be a little different. There may be some narrative in this one besides them just talking on Facebook. I mean if they were going to fight a zombie how would I have them do that while on Facebook?_

Derek Reese has a new status: I was walking down the street coming back from Radio World and I saw 2 zombies attacking someone. Instead of helping the person I just… walked away… I thought it was a prank. Next thing I know, I'm locked in the house, on Facebook, hiding from an army of zombies.

(John Connor, Cameron Phillips, Sarah Connor, Agent James Ellison, and 4 others like this)

John Connor, Cameron Phillips, Derek Reese, Agent James Ellison, Sarah Connor has logged on.

John Connor: Wow all at the same time?

Sarah Connor: We need a plan. There's a bunch of flesh-eating zombies out there… what do we do?

Cameron Phillips: You forgot to tag us Derek. We're locked in the house with you.

Derek Reese: Right…

Agent James Ellison: Why can't we just talk to each other?

Derek Reese: If we talk… out loud… the zombies will be able to hear us. So it's better to communicate by FACEBOOK!

Sarah Connor: No one posts any funny comments or stupid comments because I'll laugh and that won't be a good thing.

Cameron Phillips: Roger that Ms. Connor

Sarah Connor: Seriously Cameron?

Derek Reese: Um…Guys? Zombies?

Cameron Phillips: They're worse than Reavers…

John Connor: Cam, what have you been doing all night?

Cameron Phillips: Watching Firefly. I don't sleep

Derek Reese: And I don't like Zombies

Sarah Connor: What?

Agent James Ellison: Okay guys? What should we do? Should we just shoot them or-?

Cameron Phillips: We could rip them apart and bury the zombie parts?

John Connor: Has anyone seen Shaun Of The Dead? We shoot the zombies in the forehead! Or slice their heads off with a chainsaw or we could light the zombies on fire!

Cameron Phillips: Shaun of the dead? What's that?

Derek Reese: …

Sarah Connor: …

Agent James Ellison: …

John Connor: Tomorrow if we're still alive and there's no Zombie thing going on, since you don't sleep, that would be a good movie to watch.

Sarah Connor: I like the fire part…

Derek Reese: Do we OWN any chainsaws?

John Connor: In the shed…

Agent James Ellison: And that's outside… where the zombies are

Derek Reese: Man up! You are going outside to get the chainsaw… and any other weapon. We'll be here on Facebook waiting. And we'll be watching the zombies.

Sarah Connor: Just remember to unlock the door. Then we'll lock it and when you come back knock on the door and we'll let you in.

Cameron Phillips: Good luck

John Connor: Oh gee… Thanks guys

John Connor has logged off.

Sarah Connor: That was sarcasm right?

Agent James Ellison: I believe it was.

Agent James Ellison: I'll go look for some matches…

Agent James Ellison has logged off.

Sarah Connor: You do that James…

Cameron Phillips: There are 5 zombies walking around the front porch and two of them are heading towards the backyard… I think

Derek Reese: That's where John is…

Sarah Connor: SHIT! Okay… Tin Miss you run out the back door, beat up any zombie, grab John and come back here.

Cameron Phillips has logged off.

Sarah Connor: Okay Derek? You will go to the front door, check to see if there are any zombies, if there are, …great. You shoot them, or do something to them. If there aren't they're either in the backyard where John and Cameron are, or they have managed to get inside of the house without us knowing…

Derek Reese: Wait so…

Sarah Connor: new plan! Just go to the front door and do what I told you, and if they're not there go to the backyard. I'll look around the house and find James since he hasn't come back…

Derek Reese: Got it. I'll be back… hopefully…

Derek Reese has logged off

Sarah Connor has logged off

Agent James Ellison walked slowly around the house, squinting in the darkness, looking for the matches, or a lighter, anything that produced fire. He couldn't see that well, considering all of the lights were off. They didn't want to attract the zombies outside.

Burn the zombies. Now that was a great plan. He held out his hand and felt a rough table edge. He curled his fingers around the edge and slid it across. He moved his hand a few inches down and felt the handle of a drawer. He opened up the drawer and felt around. He found a flashlight and fortunately some matches. Relieved he turned on his flashlight, being careful to point it downwards, to not attract that much attention to the zombies. He started to make his way back to Sarah and Derek when he heard his name.

"James?" Sarah called out. She walked forwards, slowly and carefully. Her eyes were still adjusting to the dark, it made sense though, and she was just looking at a bright, electronic screen for few hours. She shook her head, ignoring the fact that her vision was a bit blurry. She had to find James.

What if the zombies got to him?

What if they were in the house?

She saw a dim light in the distance and headed towards it, slowly. She saw a figure of a tall man. The man turned his head. Good. There wasn't any skin- dead skin hanging off of his face, no dried blood or blood on him. He was alive, fresh, and he was James. She walked up to him

"Hey, you get the matches?"

He nodded and handed them to her. She took them without hesitation.

" What do we do now? Where's Derek? Where are John and Cameron?"

"3 excellent questions" Sarah responded.

"And can you answer them?" James asked

"I can if I knew the answers but I don't…"

James took a step back, confused.

"But didn't you say that John and Cameron were in the shed in the backyard?"

Sarah nodded, "I did, but who knows where they could be? Maybe they got out of the shed and ran away someplace else? Maybe zombies took them away? We need to find them, and then fight this zombie-like apocalypse"

James nodded understandingly.

The two of them made their way to the back door.

Derek Reese, the resistance fighter, stood outside of the house, the front of the house to be exact. He held a sharp cooking knife in his left hands and a gun in his right. He felt totally badass right now. But it wasn't the time to show-off. It was time to survive and kill these zombies. He heard a groan, ducked, hid behind a bush, and silently held out his knife.

A zombie, wearing a light blue flowery dress with a bloody and torn cooking apron wrapped around the waist, appeared. He smirked and charged at the zombie. He easily cut off its head. Wiping his forehead he continued to look for more zombies.

Realizing there weren't any, he smiled and headed towards the backyard. He had his gun pointed out and his held in between his teeth. He noticed the shed door was ajar, shaking his head he headed towards it.

_John and tin miss should know better_

John was huddled in the corner of the shed and Cameron was busy admiring the axe. She looked up at John, held out the axe, and tilted her head to the side, like she always does. "Is this it?"

John nodded, smiled, walked up to Cameron, Grabbed the axe and stopped midway. His uncle stood in the doorway.

Sarah Connor and Agent James Ellison walked across the backyard and found the shed door open with Derek looking in and her son holding an axe. _Well this just got interesting_ she stormed up to the lot and went inside of the shed, pushing Derek into the doors edge. James followed her.

"Mom!" John shouted.

"Sarah what the hell?" Derek shouted while holding his nose. Apparently he felt like sneezing. _I'd like to sneeze on her…_ he thought while eyeing Sarah. _Or her… _and shifted his gaze towards Cameron, who was gazing outside the window, which was strange but she's a robot. Robots are strange.

Sarah grabbed the axe out of John's hand. "We can have a nice reunion party later in the shed, right now we have to kill these motherfucking zombies or so help me, I will go ape on you… with this axe"

"Wait what do you mean by go ape on me-?

Sarah shook her head. "It doesn't matter. Now everyone move your stinking butts, I smell dead people… and I don't want the smell in my house"

10 minutes later everyone was back in the house, fighting the zombies. John held an axe; Cameron held nothing (Sarah told her to just beat up the zombies), James held the matches, Derek held a knife and his gun, and Sarah held a gun. 5 zombies were left, 5 people to fight them.

The gang charged at the zombies, Sarah held out her gun and pulled the trigger. The zombie's head blew right off sending bits of their skin flying. Cameron did the same and shot the zombie in the arm, leg, and head. John swung the axe at he zombie, but missed, only to cut off a tiny bit of the zombies overall strap. Swearing to himself he stepped forward and swung it again, this time the zombie's body cut in half.

Smiling to himself he turned around and heading towards the zombie attacking James.

James held the zombies to arms as it tried to bite his neck, and struggled to get a match out. Finally he griped harder on the box, grabbed a match, whipped it across the side and created a flame. The zombie's mouth was open wide, perfect. He flicked the match into the zombie's mouth; it let go of his wrists. And just to finish it off, John arrived and swung the axe at the zombies left arm causing it to fall off. Panting James gave him a quick thumbs-up. John returned the gesture and headed towards his uncle.

Derek looked at the zombie and felt the need to laugh. The zombie wore clothes that looked like something out of an 80's movie, they wore dirty yellow leggings with holes, a ragged, white tank top with holes, and to finish off the look, a leather jacket, with holes and dried blood. Derek held in his laugh.

"You're looking very fine today" he commented.

The zombie just moaned and held out his arms. Laughing at how easy this was, Derek threw his knife, like a dart, at the zombie and hit it right in the middle of its forehead.

"Bulls eye!"

The zombie fell over. And to finish it, Derek walked up to it, gun pointed at its forehead and pulled the trigger.

John stopped and admired his uncle's work. And then looked around the room. His mom, his uncle, his protector and James stood there, staring at the zombies, and then in synch they looked at each other.

They defeated the zombies… Now they could relax. John sat down on the couch, across from him, and got out his phone. "Time to relax, and tell all my Facebook friends that I just defeated an army of zombies. Well not armies of them more like a… gang."

Sarah sighed, walked up to her son and snatched his phone form his hands. She wagged a finger at him. "No phones or Facebook until after we clean up."

John groaned and got up from the couch. He pointed to Cameron.

"You! Help me clean" Cameron slid her gun in the back of her jeans and walked up to John, nodding.

"I'll help you" she said.

After the big clean up the gang went back online as if nothing happened. But something did, so as John said… "Time to update the status and brag to people that they just defeated some zombies!"

Cameron Phillips has a new status: I wonder if there are any zombie pigeons…

Or not…


End file.
